Friday, November 26, 2004

Not that I'm bitter...

I wish someone would have been kind enough to have explained to me that once I became a mother, that I would never be aloud to get sick EVER again. That would have been a nice little tid-bit of information to have been aware of. I could have at least prepared better – at the very least I might have begun a hearty vitamin regiment or gotten myself bubble to live in.

Recently, I was very ill with the flu. As you all know, the human body’s response to the flu virus is to FLUSH it out. For me this process was a complete evacuation of everything and anything that I had consumed during the past year at a very, very rapid rate. I will spare you the gory details, but I will say that at one point I passed out cold on the bathroom floor next to the toilet. I have to say, that it does kind of irritate me that I did not even have any of the hazy, drunken, speaker dancing memories to go along with all of the retching and bathroom floor sleeping experience. SO not fair! Oh, and a little FYI - it sucks WAY worse to be completely sober and heaving your guts out all night because you are simply more AWARE of every little nuance involved with the overall experience.

The next day I was terribly weak, shaky, achy, and even small sips of water evoked my gag reflex. Every time would attempt to stand, I would promptly break out in a cold sweat. As wave after wave of nausea hit me, my shaky legs could barely get me to the toilet fast enough to pay further homage to the porcelain gods.

Of course this timely experience happened when Jack was away at work. Just like when the pipes in the house burst, my car broke down, the hot water tank died and many other fun filled moments that I got to describe to Jack via voice mail on his cell phone – not that I’m bitter.
I suppose because crap like that happened and because I was forced to deal with said crap, that I am now a stronger woman because of it. A woman who, I might add knows where the water shut off valve is, how to light a pilot light, and how to use Jack’s air compressor. I am a little disgusted to admit that, I did not learn any of these handy skills at University. Can you believe that a forty thousand dollar education does not include one bloody class on what to do when water is gushing through your basement ceiling? Dammit! I want a refund!

Anyway back to my pity party - the next morning when I could barely stand up, I was quite dismayed when it became inherently obvious that the children still needed me for things like you know, surviving in this world for yet another day. *Sigh – the nerve of them, I know!

So exactly when do I get to suffer in peace? When do I get to lie down and have someone bring me medicine, glasses of water and dare I say even a bowl of soup? When do I get to do nothing except just recover? Well, apparently the answer is NEVER! NEVER, EVER AGAIN! Not that I am bitter, just wish I would have know that…

So now Jack is home from work and is currently and predictably sick with the flu.
It is probably not surprising to the other mothers out there that the extent of my sympathy for the man is as follows:

Aw hun, I’m sorry you are sick now take an Advil and get your ASS out of bed!

Hmm, apparently I may in fact be a little bitter.

4 Comments:

Blogger blackdaisies said...

Okay, unlike the noise situation, this one does get better. There is nothing more satisfying than getting sick and having your little guy wrap blankets around you, bring you soggy yogurt cereal that you can't eat, and keep checking your forehead with his soft little hands while keeping the juice glass filled by your side.

I won't of course go into the one time he woke me because he was sick and put his little head over top of my sleeping slack jawed mouth open wide snoring self and said 'mom - i think i'm sick', yeah ... I opened my eyes and didn't close my mouth just in time for the spew stew. I won't tell you about that at a time like this. ;-)

I hope you are feeling much better! Have a great weekend : )

4:23 PM  
Blogger Angry Orange said...

Sux that you got that flu.... I heard it was a nasty one for sure.

One note for your reference, you pay now for not being allowed to be sick, but those kids that desperately need you for things now, will (hopefully) be there for you when you are older and need their help getting to bingo hall etc etc.

Karma

Later,
Orangie

10:40 PM  
Blogger Lexagirl said...

Thanks guys, both Jack & me are finally feeling like actual human beings today, therefore we are renovating our den... Hopefully I will have some before & after pictures to share soon! Let the painting fun begin...

9:39 AM  
Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

My girlfriend is a second grade teacher. She also has the "You can never get sick" part of her job description. It's quite difficult when you have 30 little germ-warfare factories with legs running around. Though only having to deal with them for 8 hours a day is definitely different than motherhood.

12:29 PM  

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