Thursday, November 04, 2004

Operation Snow Shoe

There was a movie made a while back called Canadian Bacon. The one with John Candy, where the U.S. declares war against Canada due to a minor misunderstanding. Okay, I also thought it was kind of silly at the time. But, since the Americans have now voted 51% to re-elect George W. Bush for another four years, well I must admit I am quite concerned.

* During Bush's first term in office he actually convinced the good people of the United States to declare war against the wrong man, invade the wrong country because of some alleged weapons of mass destruction that may have never actually existed. All the while, convincing US Citizens that the United Nation must be corrupt because the UN required, you know, actual proof of the alleged weapons of mass destruction.

It's all just mind-bungling really. So people, I am building my bunker now, my contractor is coming tomorrow with some quotes. Fellow Canadians, I urge you to do the same - because I think Canada may be next on ol' Bush's chopping blocks!

Seriously valid reasons why Bush is NOW considering a war against Canada:
(Dubya's pronunciation: Can-Nada)

1. Like Iraq, Can-Nada also has oil. It's just sitting there. I mean c'mon y'all, say it with me. Less sand more oil! Less sand more oil!

2. Osama Bin Laden (a.k.a. the bad guy) is also NOT in Canada thus obviously making Can-Nada my next prime target. That there's just a no-brainer.

3. I'm still right pissed as a bull during castratin' season because ol' Can-Nada opted out of my "Coalition Of The Willing" idear. Even though they did say "Um, No thank you" very cordially and we did already have Uzbekistan on board, I still find the whole mess right irritatin'.

4. I already know I can whoop Can-Nada's big fat maple leaf ass! I mean their military is just so gosh darn Simple-Simon-like and actin' all like they wanna be our janitorial crew or something. It just freaks me out that they seem so concerned all the time about cleaning up any slight messes I may have left behind on occasion. They just don't git that being President is such hard work - and that it requires some tough decisions! Wouldn't y'all know it, that is what the Saudis have been telling me all along.

5. Can-Nada is just a chalk full of them pot smoking, high-test beer drinking, touque wearing, multicultural accepting, gay marriage allowing, pro-choice heathens who simply must be obliterated. Why? Because God told me so!

6. I already have the best invasion name picked out - get this: Operation Snow Shoe! Ugh, dang-it that's not right. Oh yeah! Operation Snow Storm! Now c'mon whose on board? That there just makes you wanna shoot some nukes don't it?

7. My attempted brain washing assimilation initiatives "Operation When Fox Attacks" and "Operation The Simple Life," have yet to show much damage against them wily Canadians due to their infuriating need for critical thinking and rational thought. No matter - it's nothin' that a few of my smart bombs won't fix.

8. They already had that one mad cow! And dammit if those freaky Can-Nadian cows just don't give me the willies! I grew up on a ranch, so I know all about how lethal them mad cows really are! Hee-hee - Nev'r mind we'll just bomb 'em all.

9. They have all those "Kay-becker" French people and Ize just Hates them French Speakin' Varmmit. It's Wabbit Season! I mean *ahem* War on Can-Nada!

10. My daddy is bigger than their daddy!


Blogger Dot Bar said...

I love your name! (just saw you describe it as weird name in a comment on another site). Not weird but nicely different. It is even fun to say Leeexa. see.

8:54 AM  

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