Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Why are you crying mommy?

Emma: Why are you crying mommy?

Me: Mommy was watching something very sad on TV.

Emma (gives me a big hug and pats my back): There, there, you are all better now.

Me: Mommy is very lucky to have such a special little girl who gives such good hugs – thank you sweetie.

Emma: Maybe you should stop watching the TV if it makes you so sad.

Me: Emma you are right sweetie, let’s go on the computer and see if we can send the people in Asia a big hug also.

Emma: Okay, but after can I go to Polly Pocket Dot Com?

Me: Sure baby.





Monday, December 27, 2004

Den Reno Pics

See a little time off from work: presto Lexa finally gets around to posting crap that she promised to post a month ago - I know, shocking!

Okay so we haven't ordered the area rug yet.
So in the mean time we are just going with presents and this big tree - which I think, really compliments the room.

At this point it is really late and I am trying to convince Jack that we should just put up the last of the baseboard using this big spotlight for lighting. Jack is not overly impressed with me but we keep working.

Jack telling me to put down the camera and help him move some other bloody heavy thing...

New flooring...

Lots & Lots of primer...

Progress - new lovely patio doors - YAY!

Den before pic:
Obviously we have the room cleared and taped and poly-filled and we have commenced sanding walls- note all the dust in the air. Also, there is the lovely stained grey carpeting I was telling you about.
Just look at all that wood paneling - yep awesome ain't it?

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Lexa's Christmas List

1. The number of dollars I’ve spent on presents: LOTS, stupid holiday commercialism…

2. The number of presents still to be wrapped: 12

3. The number of paper cuts from wrapping presents: 2

4. The number of hairs pulled out while standing in line to pay of Christmas presents while holding a screaming 2-year old: 87

5. The number of grey hairs discovered in said 87 hairs pulled: 80 – sigh…

6. The number of screaming 2-year olds: just the 1, THANK GOD

7. The number of festive snack platters assembled by yours truly: 3

8. The number of boxes of chocolates single-handedly eaten by me: 2 (okay, 3)

9. The number of Christmas cards sent out: 0 – yeah I suck… Hope all my friends & relatives enjoyed my two-liner “Happy Holidays” email.

10. The number of items per day that my daughter Emma adds to her Christmas list to Santa: 1 per every commercial seen = roughly 3 per hour…

11. The number of items Jake the Shlab has destroyed thus far today: 2 (1 bathtub plug & 1 Christmas tree ornament.)

12. The number of treats Jake will be getting from me today: 0, ZIP, ZILCH. NADA…

13. The number of times I have said the phrase “Be good Santa is watching.” to my children this week: 2134

14. The number of rum & eggnogs consumed by myself this week: 7 (okay, 17)

15. The number of calories per every 1 rum & eggnog beverage: 500 – ah, crap…

16. The number of days left until my diet and exercise regime commences: 8

17. The number of rum & eggnogs yet to be consumed by yours truly: probably a good 8 days worth…

Happy Holidays Blogworld!

Tuesday, December 21, 2004


Santa & Matthew

Well, pretty damn close to sainthood...

Except that I am a chubbier whiter version of course - and my nose is much cuter - oh yeah, and I am a woman in her early thirties and okay, not dead- but aside from that the similarities are just mind boggling.

Friday, December 17, 2004

I am a saint people, a SAINT!

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Super Shlab

So apparently, German Shepards rank third as most intelligent breed of dog and Labrador Retrievers rank 7th. http://www.petrix.com/dogint/1-10.html

Naturally, one would assume that a union between these two breeds would beget a genetically superior dog with remarkable intelligence. So when the following email went around my workplace FREE to a good home Lab/ Shepard cross puppies. The word FREE really should have tipped me off!

You see for reasons stated above I was under the impression that Sheppard /Lab cross i.e. Shlab, would ultimately prove to be a genetically superior breed of dog. This dog would be able to herd, retrieve, predict earthquakes with remarkable accuracy, perform advanced mathematics and perhaps also prepare my income tax returns. I actually had grandiose visions of getting requests for assistance from the RCMP - for example: Pardon me officer? Did you say that little Timmy fell down the well? Well you tell him Jake the Super Shlab is on his way!

I have to be honest here I now have reason to believe that Jake the Super Shlab, though incredible cute, may actually rank down there intelligence-wise with the "I eat my own feces" Shih-Tzu. Sigh...

Take last night for example: This god-awful noise woke me up out of a dead sleep. A-flippa-flippa-bang-scrabble-scrabble-thud-YIPE! And it was coming from the upstairs bathroom. I got up in a panic, because that sound at 3:00am evokes such behavior, and sprinted into the bathroom only to discover that Super Shlab had trapped himself in the bathtub. The little shit effectively ripped down the shower curtain and then proceeded to get himself all tangled up in it. Let me tell you, there is just nothing more pathetic in this world than the sight of a dog wrapped up in a shower curtain with a bar of soap in his mouth trying frantically to get out of the bathtub.

Being a wee bit concerned that my dog had eaten half a bar of soap, I made sure that Super Shlab had a big long drink of water. When he was done drinking there were actual bubbles in the water dish. Is there a support group out there for this kind of thing?
Yep, Doggy Einstein he just ain't. Obviously we have some recessive genes at work here.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Never trust a seven-year-old

While I was folding laundry in the den.

Emma (running into the den from the kitchen): Mom, me & Matthew are playing wading pool, okay?
Me: What? No,no,no! That sounds too messy. Why don't you colour or something instead?

Emma (rolling her eyes): It's just pretend mom.
Me: Okay, as long as it is pretend.

Emma: Yep, it is.

Me (suspicious): Emma, NO running the water from ANY room or taking ANYTHING out of the fridge.
Emma (running back into the kitchen): Okay mom!

Emma(from the kitchen): Matthew lets roll up your pants buddy!
Matthew: heeheehee...wat-ter.

Splish Splash Splash, Heeheehee,

Me(walking into the kitchen): What the?

Me(shocked): Emma and Matthew! Get out of the dog's water dish NOW!

Emma (defensive): MOM! I asked and you said okay!
Me (irate): Emma, you said you were going to play PRETEND wading pool, so what are you and you brother doing standing in the dog's water dish?

Emma (shrill): Mom, it's just a PROP! JEEZ!

Watch the hair buddy.

Jack: So I see you are doing an 80’s thing with your hair today.
Me(aghast): Pardon me?

Jack: Well it is kind of flippy in the front there, it looks cute but a little flippy – is all I’m saying.
Me(deep breath): Did you want to rephrase your last statement hunny?

Jack: You look beautiful dear.
Me: And?

Jack: I love you.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Traction Control

There are many things in this world that cause me to laugh uncontrollably but watching my beloved dog Jake adjust to the new flooring is now ranks right up there in the top 10 for me.

I walked into the house today at lunch just in time to witness a furry blur slide right by me and slam into the wall emitting a shrill “yipe.” Jake then attempted to shake off the embarrassment of his nose first collision with the wall. Unfortunately, the shaking process created further velocity and momentum that he obviously wasn’t expecting. This resulted in a nicely executed but poorly landed half gainer with a twist. Another scrabbley attempt to get up on all fours resulted in splayed legs each pointed in a different direction and then another nose first encounter with the floor.

At this point I intervened I helped him up to a shaky standing position. He just stood there, tail down, ears back and glared at me. Then he cautiously turned and walked gingerly out of the room with a click, click, slip, click, click, slip, slip.

Jake is just fine. He enjoyed a few more lunchtime treats than usual & a couple of reassuring neck scratches and head pats from me once we reached the safety of the linoleum. I am hoping that he learned enough about traction control today to prevent any future ass over teakettle experiences involving the laminate flooring.

It was pretty funny though.
Heeheehee, whew…

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