Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Super Shlab

So apparently, German Shepards rank third as most intelligent breed of dog and Labrador Retrievers rank 7th. http://www.petrix.com/dogint/1-10.html

Naturally, one would assume that a union between these two breeds would beget a genetically superior dog with remarkable intelligence. So when the following email went around my workplace FREE to a good home Lab/ Shepard cross puppies. The word FREE really should have tipped me off!

You see for reasons stated above I was under the impression that Sheppard /Lab cross i.e. Shlab, would ultimately prove to be a genetically superior breed of dog. This dog would be able to herd, retrieve, predict earthquakes with remarkable accuracy, perform advanced mathematics and perhaps also prepare my income tax returns. I actually had grandiose visions of getting requests for assistance from the RCMP - for example: Pardon me officer? Did you say that little Timmy fell down the well? Well you tell him Jake the Super Shlab is on his way!

I have to be honest here I now have reason to believe that Jake the Super Shlab, though incredible cute, may actually rank down there intelligence-wise with the "I eat my own feces" Shih-Tzu. Sigh...

Take last night for example: This god-awful noise woke me up out of a dead sleep. A-flippa-flippa-bang-scrabble-scrabble-thud-YIPE! And it was coming from the upstairs bathroom. I got up in a panic, because that sound at 3:00am evokes such behavior, and sprinted into the bathroom only to discover that Super Shlab had trapped himself in the bathtub. The little shit effectively ripped down the shower curtain and then proceeded to get himself all tangled up in it. Let me tell you, there is just nothing more pathetic in this world than the sight of a dog wrapped up in a shower curtain with a bar of soap in his mouth trying frantically to get out of the bathtub.

Being a wee bit concerned that my dog had eaten half a bar of soap, I made sure that Super Shlab had a big long drink of water. When he was done drinking there were actual bubbles in the water dish. Is there a support group out there for this kind of thing?
Yep, Doggy Einstein he just ain't. Obviously we have some recessive genes at work here.


Blogger Angry Orange said...

Should've got a cat - they are smarter than dogs.

The Dog ate the soap.... LOL... At least he'll be clean on the inside.

2:35 PM  
Blogger deanne said...

A Shlab? Not a German Shabrador?!

Maybe he mistook the bathtub for the toilet - ?

4:49 AM  
Blogger blackdaisies said...

oh my ... I can't stop laughing at poor bubbly schlaby ... :)

9:31 AM  
Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

Dumb dogs may jump into the tub and eat the soap, but they'll always love you, and come sliding across the new floor to see you.

9:54 AM  
Blogger honestyrain said...

i have a own poop eating pomeranian. not the sharpest tool in the shed (shhh, don't tell him, it'll break his heart). i always feel like everyone else has a smart dog and mine is this dufus. glad to hear i am not alone in the what-are-you-doing-stupid-dog world. yeehaa.

6:45 PM  

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