Friday, February 04, 2005

After twelve years...

After twelve years of active participation in any relationship the following situations have likely occurred: One person has tried to change the other person and has failed miserably, both parties have at one point threatened to leave or worse - have suggested marriage counseling. Both have slept on the couch, both have not spoken and then have left nasty voice mail messages or notes – and both have at one point had to dig way deep down inside the centre of their beings to find that extra little bit of patience and understanding that was needed to prevent a potential murder suicide (PMS) situation. There has been nagging, oh yes, a plethora of nagging AND there has also been an abundance of psychoanalyzing (or so he says.) Hurtful things have been shouted and then instantly regretted, eyes have been rolled, doors have been slammed, and the snoring of one party (coughJackahem) has at one point been an issue.

That being said, after twelve years, I really think Jack and I have pretty much fought our best fights and in doing so have learned how to compromise and to breathe and to just let things go. Our major issues have been hashed out and put away neatly. We have grown up a lot, mellowed out a bit, and learned to appreciate and to respect each other immensely. (FYI: having kids really helped to speed up that learning process...)

So what does that leave after twelve years in a relationship when you don't really fight anymore? Well I’ll tell you - it leaves bickering or as I like to refer to it - as “keeping the magic alive.”

JACK: Why does she fail to notice the sticker EVERY time? There’s a Goddamned STICKER on the bloody windshield of her car, for Christ sake, that SAYS when the next oil change is due – yet here we are MONTHS after the indicated oil change due date and has there been an oil change on her car? NO there has NOT! GRUMBLE…

ME: Why can’t he for GOD sake, just fold the clothes when the dryer buzzes instead of letting them get cold and SO damn wrinkly that I need to iron every SINGLE item – like I don’t have enough to do already that I need to iron every single piece of clothing that I own – because SOMEONE couldn’t take the THREE minutes to fold the clothes while they were still warm. HMPH!

And they lived happily ever after.


Blogger LilRed said...

Here's to happily ever after!

4:40 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

Very nice: funny and perceptive and honest. (Honesty's always tough.)

8:00 PM  
Blogger darth said...

12 years is a long time to keep the magic alive :) how wonderful!

(and both our oil stickers are at least 3 months overdue...argh..)

9:43 PM  
Blogger tommy said...

didn't it have oil in it when you bought it?

it really isn't changing the oil when there isn't any left in the car...

9:52 AM  
Blogger DrinkJack said...

Congrats! Isn't that like a Chinese decade or something?

8:01 PM  
Blogger blackdaisies said...

: ) This just makes me happy and hopeful and happy again :) Yah for both of you!

8:11 PM  
Blogger Angry Orange said...

Question - would you complain if the clothes weren't folded your way (i.e. properly)?

10:20 PM  
Blogger FreedomGirl said...

After 15 years, my Hubs and I are also in our "Bickerson's Phase". It's a wonderful place, but those socks still aren't going to walk themselves to the hamper!

4:32 PM  
Blogger Texas Biscuit said...

There are some things that even after 5 years I know he's never going to do the "right" way (mine of course!), and I figure it's easier on both of us to just fix it (or not) and let it go. Like arranging the cups and plates by sizes and in rows - not just throwing everything in the dishwasher randomly - arrrgh. We've all gotta choose our battles I think. Good for you and yours to be doing so well after 12 years!

7:57 PM  
Blogger AnonymousCoworker said...

ACWF and I are already trying to acknowledge the craziness of the other.

She needs the bed to be made a specific way, or else she has to take everything off and make it again.

I need the dishwasher to be loaded a certain way to maximize efficiancy.

We both know the other is crazy, and we try to do our best to say so.

Also, I'm glad to see you posting again. I would have worried that you were dead had you not commented on my blog.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

Uh oh. So you're telling me that it's NOT possible to change him? Please keep the advice coming, Lexa...

7:47 PM  
Blogger Lori-Ann said...

geez. I have so much to look forward to.
My personal favourite is, "Honey, what can I do to help?" (after hearing me stomp, stomp, stomp down the stairs to collect the laundry, crash-thunk back up the stairs with the laundry, and plunk it down, folded, but still in the basket), to which I reply with, "Uh, maybe you could put this away now that it's clean and folded?" Then I purposefully ignore the presence of said laundry for three days while it sits in the same spot - me, under the illusion that it might just move at some point.
It all leaves me wondering. . . why even ask?

9:05 PM  

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