Tuesday, February 08, 2005

The Lazy Spot

One of Jack’s biggest pet peeves has been in regards to a place in the house he has dubbed ‘The Lazy Spot.’ Oddly enough, the location of the so-called ‘Lazy Spot’ is indeed the garage door doorknob. That’s right – the DOORKNOB.

You see, I have this CRAZY habit of gathering and rinsing out all of the empty juice boxes, milk jugs (and the odd scotch bottle) and placing them into plastic bags. Once in a bag, I will then walk through our laundry room to the door that enters into our garage and hang this bag on the doorknob of the door. I do this because the next person (usually not me because I am much, much too busy and important) who goes into the garage (Jack) will see the bag hanging there and then take said bag into the garage and empty it into the bigger container that we reserve for all of our recyclables.

Jack feels that it “wouldn’t kill me” to actually open the door and walk into the garage and empty the bag into the recycling bin - as opposed to merely hanging it on the doorknob. You see merely hanging the bag is being “lazy.” Of course a whack of empty bottles can be littering the countertop in my kitchen ALL week and go un-rinsed and un-moved, yet a bag hanging off of a doorknob is unacceptable? M’eh, actually he’s right. See, I HAVE mellowed over the years. It probably wouldn’t kill me to take the bag into the garage and empty it into the big container. So what the heck, I was all about to change my evil ways and conform to this plan but unfortunately Jack decided to he had to go and illustrate his point by doing the following:

This past August, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, I was looking out of the kitchen window and noticed Jake ‘the Shlab’ dog dragging a hacksaw across the lawn. Naturally, I freaked out because dimwitted dog + hacksaw = potential trip to the vet. So I quickly went and retrieved the hacksaw from the dog and hung it back up on the pegboard in the garage.

That night, Jack and I were lying in bed and something (his incessant tossing and turning) reminded me of the fact that I had failed to (bitch at) mention to Jack the fact that the dog could have been MAIMED because of the hacksaw being left outside – and really, how could one forget to put away a hacksaw?

Me: So what were you doing with the hacksaw today?
Jack (yawning): What?

Me: The hacksaw - the one that I found in the backyard today?
Jack: Oh I cut back the apple tree – I hope that bloody thing dies.

Me: So why did you not put the saw away? Jesus Jack, the DOG was CHEWING on it!
Jack (sitting up in bed): AHA! So you don’t LIKE it when things don’t get put away in the GARAGE where they BELONG either huh?

Me (baffled): Jack did you leave the hacksaw outside on purpose to irritate me?
Jack: Damn straight! It’s annoying isn’t it?

Me: I suppose that this is all because the bag of recycling hanging off of the garage doorknob isn’t it?
Jack (huffy): Well it isn’t much to ask to take the bag into the garage … I mean really.

Me (sigh): You are a twit.
Jack: So, did you put the hacksaw away in the garage?

Me: No.
Jack (concerned): What? Well where is it?

Me: It’s under the bed. Good night dear.

(Disclaimer: neither Jack nor myself would ever leave a sharp pointy tool outside in reach of our kids – they were away at the grandparents being spoiled and pampered that weekend. The dog – well, I am surprised he has made it this long being that he also eats the soap out of the bathroom if we don’t put it away.)


Blogger DrinkJack said...

I was so picturing a carefully constructed hack on the old door knob by the clever hubby. Thus when you went to use the old knob trick, it would break off leaving you basically "holding the bad".

7:00 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

'Hacksaw under the bed'. Nice image. Of course, I know it's just a joke. Right? Right? (The last shot of BASIC INSTINCT is on my mind -- Sharon Stone's icepick under the bed. You haven't watched that recently, have you? If not, please don't...)

12:29 AM  
Blogger LilRed said...

Bag full of plastic, mostly physically harmless recyclables? Or sharp instrument used to cut limbs off a tree (not to mention the possibility of cutting limbs from a person - or in this case, a dog)?

Hmmm ... I don't think this is an apples-to-apples comparison. Maybe Jack should to re-think his analogies next time.

That's just me.

6:48 AM  
Blogger honestyrain said...

ha! i hope it was under the bed, your side, for future reference?

11:08 AM  
Blogger Texas Biscuit said...

LilRed is right: clean trash does NOT equal rusty old saw. Hilarious story though - love the ending!!

12:12 PM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

We have the same lazy spot!!!!!

6:35 PM  

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